AWAKENING AT THE ZOO (BESTIARE VII)

So, human, what do you do when you want to watch dangerous predators without exposing yourself  to risk? Easy. You get your noisy kids and drive to the Zoo. So easy. Tired of National Geographic? Want a bit of the real thing? "Darling, pack a picnic! This Sunday we go to the Zoo!!". Bastard.

You love us, don't you, animal lover? After all, you were animals yourselves, or so you believe. Since you have progressed your way up to the top of the evolutionary ladder, you feel rightly entitled to watch safely the circus from behind the fences. You believe you got that privilege from outsmarting everyone else. Moron. You're deadly wrong (Oops. I said it. It's a good thing you can't really hear anymore).

But let me tell you, human, how low a form of life you are. From our vantage point of being your enslaved entertainment, we observe you every day. We cross data, man. And very efficiently, at that. We realize how fragile you are. And HOW IDIOT, my god. I hope you are tasty at least.

At the entrance gates, you won't notice anything unusual. Pushed by your excited kids and by your own voyeur instincts, you don't even realize you have lost your finest senses, your instincts no longer talk to you. As the king of nature, awareness is something you don't need anymore, right? Think twice, imbecile. Today my plan is to celebrate victory with a different kind of meal. Yes Sir. Yummy Sir.

So your sense of smell doesn't tell you anything at the gates? You belong to that endless human stream with a stupid and excited smile printed on the face, shameful bunch of  circus-goers. Get in the line, go buy your ticket, don't forget the extra one for the special exhibit on the House of Reptiles, with discount. Your kids will be sooo impressed they won't blink. Believe me. The flabby little bastards will love you for the ice cream you bought them. That's it, if they survive. What do you think? Will they outrun the crocodiles? That's a hard one. They are fast. 

Your ears are not useful either, to make sense of what is going on along our cages. Does the screaming at the main ape cage sound unusual? Of course not. They are just cute monkeys aren't they? As a cultured man, maybe you will allow yourself a contemplative look to Tristan, the old and quiet gorilla, who will look reflectively at you. For a minute, you will consider how near both your species are after all ("It looked as if he were really thinking"), just to dismiss the idea one minute after. Oh man, I told you, Tristan IS REALLY thinking.  How can YOU be such a pathetic asshole? It must take some effort on your part.

But in fact you could have saved your life and your kids' if you had payed a little attention. You see, this Sunday is a special one for us. Jeez, we have been preparing this FOR AGES. You are so right damn stupid I feel inclined to give you a chance. Who knows...with a bit of a head-start, the adrenaline might make your meat taste better.

No, I won't spoil what my sisters and brothers and myself have been cooking for such a long time. Hey, get a lesson from us. Here we live, spiders and elephants, chimps and  birds, big felines and little rodents. We treat each other as equals, you see. It does not matter to us whether or not the hyena is color-blind or the orangutan can use a tool to open a nut. 

Actually, when it comes to understand each other, we have grown more sophisticated than any of your kind can imagine. It started several years ago. Large apes and dolphins and whales and octopuses, they say they were the first. It does not matter anymore. Brain waves, man. BRAIN WAVES. They notice them, learnt to control them and use them. Then they taught the other brothers and sisters, one species at a time. We call that time The Awakening. At some level, any of us can speak to any other, no matter how distant our cages are. We have perfected telepathy before you humans could scratch the surface of its potentialities for yourselves. No words necessary. Just pure thought...Never mind, you could not understand anyway, you silly boy.  

I'll give you an example, imagine this: Fred the Hippo realizes there is a small security breach on his fence. He CALLS me. Imagine Teddy the Bear notices that the keepers relax security on weekends, during feeding time. He does nothing, he just let me know. I have HUNDREDS of those occurrences on my brain. By the way...Talking about security breaches, don't miss the big party today, at The House of Reptiles. I guarantee it will be worth every penny! 

And don't forget we are observing you. It's funny that you humans have become our own private circus. Your many failures as a species have accelerated the awakening. In fact you are the ones who would deserve to be here. We have been keeping a record of your behavior. Reading the panel with our feeding habits on the wild. Where to find us on the wild. Are we endangered? ASSHOLES, YOU are the endangered ones! You can't imagine what we can do NOW! Your kids want to feed us the poisonous crap they eat themselves. I'm sick of that cheap chip smell.  

Also, it fascinates me how easily bored you get when I don't "do" anything to please YOU. You just go whenever the action is. Do you want me to roar, to act as a real lion? Wait a few hours and I'll do my number only for you, only this time it will be up close...maybe closer than you'd wish.

Unlike you, we have not forgotten the path for freedom. It was somehow imprinted on our cells. Today is THE DAY. We are tired of being looked at, tired of flashes and the hideous smell of ice cones. Personally, I'm tired of my ridiculous African-looking imprisonment. Forgive me if I have this resentful look in my eyes. I'm the slave enacting his revenge dream. Today. It will be a glorious and somewhat chaotic celebration. You cannot miss it. Right after your picnic, YOU become ours.
WELCOME TO THE AWAKENING PARTY. TODAY, EXCEPTIONALLY,  FEEDING THE ANIMALS IS ALLOWED.